My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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