My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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