Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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