when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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