She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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