i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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