My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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