He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
