from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
