youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've blown a few things in my day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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