me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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