Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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