"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
