You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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