You can't motorboat a personality
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize