my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
