please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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