i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
