My hand turned me down
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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