she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
