its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
