Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
