Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
