His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
