When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
