let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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