Ambien. No doubt about it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
