he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
