In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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