Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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