If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
