Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
