tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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