I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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