im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize