And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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