You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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