my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You brought string cheese to the strip club
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
