If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
