I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
