i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
