I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
