Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
