Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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