Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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