you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
tell me about the eggs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
