I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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