The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
