you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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