I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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