Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
