great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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