I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
