I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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