I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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