She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
