I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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