Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
