i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
