Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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