she was so not down for the gang bang
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
