My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
