Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
