your room smells of hookers.
And success
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
