I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
