oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
