Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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