if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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