let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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